I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Text me some of your sweat
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