phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
