I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
