man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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