Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
