no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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