i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
