if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize