Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
