No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
