He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
