Your face is a jimmy john
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
