just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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