you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MIDGETS
????
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
