If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
