I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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