I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Text me some of your sweat
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