Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
