im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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