yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
