in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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