I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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