I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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