Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
