He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
