In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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