dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
