i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Couch. On fire.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
