someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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