She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
