I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
