1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize