i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
