Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
