By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
