mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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