the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize