The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize