we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
