whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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