I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
