She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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