I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
