i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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