ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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