Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
