I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize