Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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