You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
