do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
