Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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