marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
