i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
