just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
