i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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