I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
