Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
