Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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