White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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