Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
