im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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