Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
